Wednesday, 29 December 2010

Not posted in agggeeeessss

We have been really busy what with Christmas and all, but i guess thats kind of been going around a bit.  I hope everyone had a lovely Christmas.  Ours was good, i got my Camera, the best slippers ever, Choccies, James Blunt's new album, Theory of a Deadman album, Inception, Beauty and the Beast and Eclipse to name but a few.  The kids were throughly spoilt and one end of our living room looks like a toy factory.  To be honest i'm not sure how much i like it, some of it will probably end up barely played with and i know they can't possibly appriciate the shear volume of stuff they recieved.  Next year i think i will make a strict list and ask everyone to pick one thing off it, if they want to spend more then put the additional money in their bank account.

The day itself was good, we went to my mum's for dinner and although it was nice to spend the day with the extended family it was so hard work and so stressful getting them up, opening presents, getting everyone dressed and there for a set time.  The morning ended up feeling a bit like a conveyer belt and next year i'm thinking we might stay at home and hopefully have a bit more of a relaxed day.

I have been very busy since Christmas taking hundreds of pictures on my camera and am really excited of starting my 365 project next year.  Also have a number of possibilities on the horizon of directions in which to take my life, but undicided on what to do.  Hoping for my depression to lift soon so that i can start throughly enjoying my life and my kids again.

Wednesday, 22 December 2010

Busy, busy, busy

I haven't updated here for days nor have i had chance to look at the other blogs i follow as i have just been so busy.  Last night the hubby and i were up till 1am wrapping the pressies.  Then today my mum had the girls so we could go and get a few last things from the trafford centre.  I only needed a bear from build a bear factory for Pudding and while i was there picked up a memory card for my new camera as the one i ordered off amazon has had it's delivery date put back till after chriatmas and i don't want to get my new camera on christmas morning and then not be able to use it.  The hubby on the other hand had to get a few things for me as being a typical man left it until the last minute.

Tomorrow i'm having my mummy friends over for the afternoon and then on Friday were back to Manchester to go to Chill Factore to see Santa.

Will hopefully update more tomorrow but now i'm off for some tea a nice relax in the bath and then bed as i'm knackered.

Saturday, 18 December 2010


Well we FINALLY got the long anticipated snow.  It started at about 5:30pm last night and went on until gone 2am.  It put me in such a Christmassy mood that i put all our Christmas Deccies up, hence how i know it was still snowing at 2am.  Then today we nipped to Mothercare for a few things this morning and then went sledging this afternoon.  It's funny because the seldge we are using used to my mine and my brothers when i was about 8, which would make it a good 17 years old!  Stop doing the math in your head.

Anyway today as i don't have anything prolific to say, i though i would share some pictures with you of our decorations and sledging activities.  Enjoy!

Thursday, 16 December 2010

The Gallery Week 39 - Sparkle

My entry for this week (late as it is) is one of the snowflake window decorations Munch and I made the other day.  It's not a particularly good picture, nor will it mean much to anyone else.  But when i look at it i remember our afternoon painting, gluing and glittering in the kitchen and the talking and lauging.  The glitter which i'm still finding now and the pride on Munch's face every time she sees them in the window and says 'Mummy I MADE those.'

Christmas night out

I had the much anticipated Christmas night out last night.  Thankfully the wardrobe crisis wasn't as bad as i had initially feared, but getting to the point of actually getting ready was more stressful than first imagined.  Munch came home from Playschool Christmas party with conjunctivitis and i had to get in touch with the Dr's then wait for a call back to see if they wanted to see her, which they didn't but i had to whizz up there to get a prescription for her, which meant i wasn't getting in the shower until 5pm and was supposed to be doing the first pick-up at 5:30pm.  Luckily everyone was running behind too and they were all very understanding (not that they had much choice seen as i was driving.)  I got ready and managed to find everyone's houses ok and had us all at the venue for 7pm.  Which wasn't to bad considering.

It was a really good night, the food wasn't fantastic but the master of ceremonies was brilliant.  My only complaint was that the music was too loud while we were eating as it was difficult to hold a conversation.  The downside to the night for me was that non of my friends wanted to get up and dance really.  One danced for around 15mins then about 45 mins later on and another danced for about 15 mins towards the end so i spent a good portion of the night dancing by myself.  I tried to dance near other groups so i didn't look too much like a loon, not entirely sure i succeeded though.  It snowed at midnight on the dance floor and one guy who had taken a bit of a liking to me kept throwing the snow (polystyrene balls) over my head and seemed to be seeing how many he could get down the front of my top.

I didn't get home until 1:40am and my feet are still hurting me now from all that dancing in heels!

I apologise for the bad quality my camera on my phone isn't great.  I also don't feature in any as i was doing the snapping, the others did take some so hopefully i will get some of me soon.

I also had my first BSL exam tonight which was nerve wracking.  I'm terrible in situations like that, i get myself so worked up over it.  In the end it wasn't to bad.  I did manage to spell the tutors name wrong and have to do it again, and confused her with my direction giving.  But other than that it was ok, i was mostly finding i wanted to say stuff but didn't know the signs to say it which was frustrating but never mind, hopefully we will learn them after Christmas.  Fingers crossed that i passed.

Monday, 13 December 2010

Nothing to wear

Those of you who know me at all, will know i hate clothes shopping and what i hate even more is clothes shopping with my mum.  I hate clothes shopping because not many places do the sort of clothes i actually like, i'm not one of those people who knows what co-ordinates well with what, i don't enjoy clothes enough to make the stress of searching for that perfect outfit worthwhile and i hate crouds, It gives me panic attacks to be in a crouded shop with hundreds of other people.  I particularly don't like shopping with my mum as she would like me to be girly and wear all these pretty clothes ect and that really isn't me and i always feel like i am letting her down and she would prefer it if i was someone differant.

Anyway i had to brave clothes shopping with my mum as i'm out for a christmas night out with my friends on Wednesday and didn't really have anything to wear.  Three hours later and hundreds of combinations later i came away with a big fat NOTHING.  I guess i am just going to have to try and create an outfit out of something i already have.  Which i can see now will result in lots of stress before the night out and quite possibly a few tears. (whether mine or the hubbys will remain to be seen!)  I really think i just lack some of the female genes.

But my mum and i did go out for a nice meal afterwards and had a nice chat and shared some memories.  We also managed not to argue once, the whole evening.  Which is quite possibly some sort of record for us i think.

Sunday, 12 December 2010

Working mum's

Now i'm not and never have been a working mum.  If you are then all power to you, if it works for you and it's what you want or need to do then thats great.  I am never going to be able to work full time due to the Bi-polar and even if i could get a part time job there are certain situations i have aviod as i would put myself in danger of another relapse.  But even if this wern't the case i wouldn't want to work full time as i want to be with my children and we also want to homeschool, working would mean we would be unable to do this as effectivly as we want to.

Yet everyone seems intent on me getting a job, if not now then in the future.  So far this week i have had 3 people suggest carrears for me including a TA in a deaf school and Baker in a Supermarket chain.    I have even been asked why i am doing a course in BSL if i don't want a career out of it.  Why can't people get their heads around that i am unable work now, and at this point in time i don't want to have to work in the future unless we need the money.  I am doing the course for me, because it is something i am interested in and enjoy doing and enjoy sharing with my children.

There is so much pressure on women these days to look after our children perfectly, have a wonderful clean and tidy house, make plently of homecooked meals from scratch and have a wonderful career.  Why does this need to be the case?  Fair enough to work if we need the money, or if it is what you want to do, but we shouldn't feel under pressure to comply to others ideals of what we should be.  We need to slow down take a step back and decide what is important to us and do that, instead of filling our lives with needless stuff and unecissary problems.

Saturday, 11 December 2010

Night Out

Last night the hubby and i got a night out sans kids.  It wasn't anything fancy, we just went to the cinema to see the new Harry Potter film (well 3 week old Harry Potter Film).  I enjoyed it but had the same complaint as i did with the others, it's not as good as the book.  In fact there has only ever been 1 film that i have felt has been as good as the book and that was Anne Rice's Interview with the Vampire.

To be honest i wasn't really looking forward to it.  It had been a very long hard day, i had a banging headache and by the time i washed all the glue, paint and glitter from our decoration and card making afternoon off my body and out of my hair.  All i really felt like doing was climbing into a comfy pair of jamas and veging out on the sofa.  But as we finaly had found a babysitter and had already bought the tickets i dragged myself out and enjoyed it once i was there and had injested several painkillers.

I have to say the loss of sponteneity is the thing i miss most since having the girls.  In the pre-kid days we could just drop everything to go out for tea or to see a movie.  When we first lived together we went to Pizza Hut and then on the the cinema about 3 times a week (not the healthiest of lifestyles).  Now it takes so much time just to get out the front door, it's like packing for an expedition.  Nappies, wipes, nappy sacks, spare vest and babygro for Pudding, clean knickers and spare pants for Munch, bibs, bibs and more bibs for Pudding reflux, suncream, calpol, dummies, drinks, snacks, bottle, bowls, spoon, food.  Thats before i even start sorting myself out.  It takes me half an hour from starting to get ready to actually everone being cliped into the car and being ready to go.  Some days i do wonder if it's worth the hassle, and if i wouldn't be better staying at home.  It's not even just getting to the car then the car journey with 'Mummy...mummy...mummy...'every 5 seconds then shouting Pudding who then cries, tell Munch off who then cries, everything settles down only for Munch to sout Pudding again at the top of her voice.  Once you get there i have to get the buggy out the boot bundle them both into it, before repeating the whole process on the way home.  Don't get me wrong i love my kids and love going out and having new experiences with them just sometime feels like a lot of hard work just getting to enjoy these things.  

Thursday, 9 December 2010

A poo fright and a compliment

I have been feeling depressed for the last few weeks or so and today the general crappiness of me was compounded by the fact i apeear to be getting Munch and Pudding's cold.  It has been one of those days where everything feels like a struggle from the minute i got up.  I even crashed out for 10 mins this afternoon while Pudding had her nap, Munch was playing nicely and then said she needed a poo i meant to take her but i was just so exhusted i fell asleep.  I awoke with a fright about 10 mins later when she was looking right in my face and saying 'mummy, what's this?'  For one awful second i thought she had done a poo and was thrusting it in my face.  Fortunatly it was just a bit of fluff!

Dragged myself out for signing tonight as it's our last class and chance to practice before the exam next week.  Finally got my turn at my conversation with the teacher and although we went off at a tangent asking me something i was n't expecting and that i didn't know the sign for, i winged it and at the end of the talk she said i had been the best out of the class.

I was so chuffed with myself until my paranoid brain kicked in telling me that she was probably just saying it to bolster my confidence and make me feel better, or that she said it to everyone, or that after other people had a second go with her was i still the best?  Why am i so incapable of just accepting a complement?  Why do i have to second guess everything and put a negative spin on it when it is directed at me or something i have done?

Wednesday, 8 December 2010

How can you lose a child twice in one day I hear you ask?

First instance, i leave Munch watching Something Special on TV while i quickly nip upstairs to put the pudding down for her nap.  When i come back down she is nowhere to be found, i searched the entire house checking all the doors, behind and under all the furniture for a good 5 mins to no avail.  Getting frantic i also searched the garden knowing she does sometimes go out of the dog flap but i hadn't heard it swing this time.  Hunted all around the garden shouting but still couldn't find her, came back inside researched all of downstairs when i happened to look out the window and the dog is stood dutifully at the bottom of the garden staring at the hedge not moving.  I go out part the hedge and there is Munch stood squashed between the fence and the hedge grinning at me.  I didn't even know it was possible to fit down there.  But bless her she had put her snow boots on first and she came in saying "Mummy i been playing in the forest in the garden."

Second instance, Go to order the kids tea at the Hippodome this evening i get back to my seat and Munch has dissapeared again.  Do a repeat performance of running around and shouting like a loon when a dad asks if i have checked the toilets as he thought he heard someone in the ladies when he took is son in.  The toilet doors are really hevey so had never thought to check there.  I was so proud of her really, she had needed a wee so taken herself to the toilet, looked for the ladies sign on the door so she got the right one done everything she needed to and when i got there she was just washing her hands.  I was so proud of her, just wished she had told me first.

Other than having the fright of my life we had a good time this afternoon.  I took loads of pictures but the majority of them were just blurs.  Here is what i was left with

Tuesday, 7 December 2010

Craft supplies

After a fairly lazy morning involving an unexpected vist we set off this afternoon on the search for craft supplies.  Fortunatly we didn't have to search too far as there is a Hobbycraft 20 minutes away.  We came away with paint, glitter, card, snowflake cutouts, pom poms and googly eyes.

Were going to have a bash at the girls making their own Christmas cards for close family members, so expect some pictures in the next couple of days.  Also going to have a go at making some Christmas deccies, using the snowflake cutouts and painting them.  I'm toying with the idea of making my own cards using the wintery pictures i have taken but wondering if it's a bit late in the day to try and be so ambitions with everything else i have to do.  Maybe an idea for next year, will hopefully have a bigger supply of better quality pictures thanks to my christmas pressent

Cannon EOS 500D

 Also for next year i would really like to make like a garland of advent stockings and in each one put a part of the nativity story.  The girls both have wooden advent calendars which have sweets in (well Pudding's doesn't this year but will next year.)  Although we are not Christians i want to bring the girls up knowing what it is the we are actually celebrating at Christmas and that it's not just all about presents.

I also had to stop myself for buying some lovely wool with the intention of knitting some cosy socks with it.  I am already in the process of knitting a scarf for my MIL birthday, a knitted farmyard for the girls and a jumper for munch.  I am very much an ideas person, i can come with hundrends of good ideas but never have the time to actually implement them.

The Gallery Week 38 - White

Last year my best friend had the wedding of her dreams, a true white wedding.  Unfortunatly i can't find the picture i really want to use of my friend and her new husband stood out in the snow.  But have one of the grounds where the wedding took place.

Monday, 6 December 2010

Winter Wonderland

We don't have any snow (possibly the only place oin the UK that doesn't) but we have the thickest frost i have ever seen.

On a down side the Munch has a bad chest infection and now has antibiotics for it.  Poor baby girls keeps coughing herself sick and has been up most of the last 2 nights with it so were all shattered.  Unfortunatly she's not a still and quiet ill girl she's a jump around and be as naughty as possible ill girl.  Today a few examples of what she has got up to between 2pm and 6pm -

- Pulled Pudding round by her arms
- Repetedly pushed Pudding over
- Scatched Pudding's face to draw blood
-Threw large hard toys at both Pudding and the dog
- Pulled all the DVD's off the shelves and out the cases
- Repetedly tipped the contents of her toybox all over the floor
- Tried to smash ornaments by dropping her cup and other object behind the firegaurd
- Stuffed tissues in Pudding's mouth
- Climbed up th bookcase
- Climbed onto the kitchen worktops

I need about 10 pairs of extendable arms and 20 pairs of eyes to look after them both at times.  Is it any wonder i am so tired all the time?  I love them so much but they drive me potty at times.  Hopefully once she is over the worst of this infection and actually sleeping again my patience will improve and we won't spend all day traipsing back and forth to the naughty step. 

Sunday, 5 December 2010

Lazy Day

We have had a lazy day today, both kids slept late after being up half the night.  Munch's cold we think has turned into a chest infection and she keeps coughing herself awake and almost sick, so she cries and wakes Pudding up.  Going to try and make a dr's appontment for her tomorrow though knowing our dr's they prob won't be able to see her until the new year.

Went into town to get a few more christmas pressies, now only have 2 friends and my secret santa to buy for.  Also got a hotdog, drink and ice cream from a new place in town.  Tried not to think about where the meat from the hotdog came from but otherwise greatly enjoyed it.

Had pizza for tea and put the kids to bed.  Looks like it's going to be a bad night though as i've already been up and down to Munch about 20 times.

Saturday, 4 December 2010

Respecting others opinions

My mum has been having another go at me over the fact we want to homeschool the girls.  I know a lot of people won't necissarily approve of it and thats fine that is their opinion and i respect that but at the end of the day we have to do what we think is best for our own children.

Apparently by homeschooling them we will be be ruining their lives and give them a phobia of people and socialising. (Nothing like overreacting) I have listened time and time again to her concerns and while i agree some may be justified we have a plan in place of what we want to do how we want to do it and what sort of support is available.  But she just won't listen to what we plan to do or why we feel we are doing to right thing.  I am fine with people expressing their opinions but they should in turn listen to yours.

She has now resorted to essentially blackmail to try get me to do what she thinks is right.  She is telling me she can't sleep at night for worrying and she is dragging other people into it, who's opinions are NOT the same as hers no matter how much she tries to insit they are. Why can't she understand i can't do what i firmly believe is the wrong course for us just so she can feel happier about it.  I have to support my morals and do what i think is right, living your life doing what others want you to do is no life at all really.  And how am i supposed to teach my girls to stand up for what they believe in if i don't do it myself?

Please understand i'm not knowing school in general it works and is right for many for people, for others it feels like the wrong choice.  A differant way isn't a wrong or bad way, just differant.

Friday, 3 December 2010

Feeling Pants

Had my flu jab this afternoon and now i feel like crap.  So i'm off to bed for an early night and to feel sorry for myself.

Thursday, 2 December 2010

Swinging Moods

The shift is palpable and been imminent for some time, my mood has shifted from it's precariously balanced 'normal range' into a depression.  Being Bi-Polar it is inevitable that even with medication i am going to have the occasional relapse but that doesn't make the situation any easier for either me or my family.  I am really hoping this fit of depression lifts soon as i hate how it makes me feel, who it turns me into, how it makes me act.  All in all i just pretty much hate me right now, which doesn't help with lifting the funk.

My CPN (among others) informed me that i should slow down, stop trying to do so much and go out without the kids either for some alone time or with a friend/the hubby.  But at the end of the day if i don't do the housework, take the kids places, play with them, cook who else is going to to it?  If i don't support friends if they need help how can i ever expect them to support me? Nearly all my friends are mums, we don't get time out alone to chat, it is always accopanied by babies because that is what being a mum is all about!  Babysitter don't grow on tree's, it's all very well saying go out with the hubby and have some kid free time, but there is the stress of finding someone you trust to watch the kids and the worry the whole time your out if their ok, hardly makes for a romantic relaxed evening.

Fortunalty signing class this evening lifted my spirits briefly.  I got on well and was able to hold a fluid conversation, it helped my confidence.  Let's just hope i don't forget everything before the first exam on 16th December.

Tomorrow i have the joy of a flu jab to look forward too, but also coffee with my friends.  I don't feel like doing either but am foring myself to go a) for the flu jab because i really don't want to have full blown flu. b) to coffee because i know if i shut my self off it will only make myself feel worse in the long run.  I'm desperatly trying to maintain perspective and also i'm in charge of Secret Santa which is being drawn tomorrow.  Hard to sort it out iof i'm not there really. 

Wednesday, 1 December 2010

Christmas Party

It was the chidrens centre's christmas party today and Munch could hardly wait for the past few days she has been asking if she can see Santa yet, so actually meeting the guy was a big deal for her.  Unlike most kids who went shy at the sight of him, Munch just charged straight at him and clambered on his knee with a big smile on her face.

The girls had a good time making hat's, playign with all the toys, eating the party food (Munch ate all the party rings and sneaked Pudding a Chocolate Finger)

and finally finished up by singing Christmas songs.  All in all it was a very enjoyable afternoon and a bargain at only £1 a ticket.  I honestly don't know what i would do without my local Children's Centre it has been a lifeline and a godsend to me.  Thanks to it's services i now have a wonderful group of mummy friends who i meet up with regularly.  This has done wonders for my confidence and helps keep my mood stable, additionally they have also been on hand for any problems or concerns i have had and given me so much help and support.  If i won the lottery i would make a huge donation to them, but unfortunatly i haven't so will just have to show my appriciation my saying a huge THANK YOU!

Tuesday, 30 November 2010

The Gallery - Week 37

This is my first week posting and the theme is celebrations.

My picture is the first one taken of the Pudding.  I had a very difficult pregnancy plauged with hyperemasis gravidarum, heavy bleeding, the loss of Pudding's twin worries about spinabifida, she didn't grow for the final 3 weeks and when i went into labour i suffered a major cord prolapse (umbilical cord preceeds baby into birth canal).  We were told afterwards that the odds of her surviving in my situation were only 5% and the fact that she survived with absolutly no brain damage was a miracle.  I can honestly say i have only ever felt that thankful once before (that's a story for another day) in my life.

The Pudding born at 5:48pm on 20th February 2010 by Emergency C-Section.

Running errands

is what i have mostly been doing today.  Dropped the Munch off at playschool before heading to St Annes to pay the remainder off the Christmas Party for our group from Breastfeeding Support group.  Pretty hairy as it's the first time i have ever driven on ice, got even dicier when i went round a corner and the car skidding and hit the kerb!  Thankfully both the Pudding and i were ok and the car only got a bent wheel which has now been bent back into shape.  Went to Tescos and got the ingrediants for Christmas Pudding Mark 2 hopefully this one will turn out better than the last.  Picked Munch up from playschool, had lunch, did some domestic drugery, took the car to have new front tires fitted (garage fixed the wheel for free so very happy), was planning on going to the Sensory Session afterwards but was a bit late so called in to see my mum at work.  Lots of opportunity for nana to show her grandkids off.  Then decided as it was so cold to go and pick Hubby up from Uni save him freezing appendages off at the bus stop (i do want more children.)  Came via KFC and now going to have a shower, wash hair, relax and go to bed as i'm knackered.

Only down side to today is Munch fell over her own feet not watching what she was doing and fell face first into the corner of the bin.  She has a graze it's swollen and has a nasty looking bruise on her cheekbone right near her eye.  Worried people will think i've clocked her one.

Monday, 29 November 2010

Crafty afternoon

Today we forewent going out to our usual 'groups' what with the frost, Munch is under the weather and i am was feeling very CBA.  We had a lazy morning reading, singing songs and watching some T.V.  Just bofore lunch time it started to snow and Munch got very excited and rushed to the window saying Santa must be coming soon, only to be disappointed when it stopped a couple of minutes later.

This afternoon we had a bit of a crafty/messyplay session, where we had a go at making homemade christmas wrapping paper.  Our first attepmt was to have munch stand in the paint and walk up and down the paper.  It didn't turn out quite as i'd hoped, but she had great fun making it.  Secondly i cut stamps out of potatoes
(we have from L-R a christmas tree, star, angel, and the word Ho)

then used these to stamp on the paper.  It took a few attempt to get the height of the stamps right but it is my first time. 

The Munch putting the stamps to good use

and the finished product hanging on the line to dry

Just before we finished i left Munch alone to answer the phone and in that couple of seconds she also managed to paint my cooker and 2 doors!  Once finshed we went upstairs for a much needed bath and straight into pjamas.  Back down into the warmth of the living room to snuggle up with mummy and watch 'The Snowman.'