The shift is palpable and been imminent for some time, my mood has shifted from it's precariously balanced 'normal range' into a depression. Being Bi-Polar it is inevitable that even with medication i am going to have the occasional relapse but that doesn't make the situation any easier for either me or my family. I am really hoping this fit of depression lifts soon as i hate how it makes me feel, who it turns me into, how it makes me act. All in all i just pretty much hate me right now, which doesn't help with lifting the funk.
My CPN (among others) informed me that i should slow down, stop trying to do so much and go out without the kids either for some alone time or with a friend/the hubby. But at the end of the day if i don't do the housework, take the kids places, play with them, cook who else is going to to it? If i don't support friends if they need help how can i ever expect them to support me? Nearly all my friends are mums, we don't get time out alone to chat, it is always accopanied by babies because that is what being a mum is all about! Babysitter don't grow on tree's, it's all very well saying go out with the hubby and have some kid free time, but there is the stress of finding someone you trust to watch the kids and the worry the whole time your out if their ok, hardly makes for a romantic relaxed evening.
Fortunalty signing class this evening lifted my spirits briefly. I got on well and was able to hold a fluid conversation, it helped my confidence. Let's just hope i don't forget everything before the first exam on 16th December.
Tomorrow i have the joy of a flu jab to look forward too, but also coffee with my friends. I don't feel like doing either but am foring myself to go a) for the flu jab because i really don't want to have full blown flu. b) to coffee because i know if i shut my self off it will only make myself feel worse in the long run. I'm desperatly trying to maintain perspective and also i'm in charge of Secret Santa which is being drawn tomorrow. Hard to sort it out iof i'm not there really.
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